Dying is so hard
by Menoo
Summary: Farewell letter from Adonis to Minako. A spin-off to my another story.


Dying is so hard...

Do you know how many oxygen particles are needed to save me? How many glass shards must be pulled out of my flesh to stop the blood from spurting like a fountain? How much warmth is needed to revive my dead limbs...

You do not know, cause you are the one who killed me.

You, Minako, you call yourself "the Goddess who gives love to everyone." What a cheesy and tacky slogan, reeking of cheap sweet lipstick and forgotten promises. You have no idea what love is. You came to destroy, not create. You have ruined the lives of the king, have destroyed the harmony of the universe, and then you demolished me...

Dying is so hard...

I have loved you since forever. The moon of the Silver Millennium still remembers my desperate attempts to conquer you, to surprise you, to make your perfect lips curve in a smile. No, all in vain. Screw the status, screw the ranks, screw the formalities. You simply did not love me; you simply did not see me, you simply did not want to give me a chance. You, "the one who is giving love," damn it! How many times have I asked you, a heartless doll, a cruel bitch, how many times have I asked to give me a chance and grant me a simple date! No, I still remember these surprised eyes and mischievous eyelashes, apologizing for the high-status regulations. How could I dare: a simple soldier from the Venusian army and the crown princess herself ...

But how radically you changed after one meeting with General Kunzite. Something was wrong, I felt it immediately; I smelled the trouble at once ... The disaster, the catastrophe, the end. It hurts how simple, easy and naturally noticeable it was. All you needed was to see how blush flooded your pale cheeks with color, how your eyes of the spring sky color darkened and how your mouth curved sternly, and my heart fell. He took your virginity... He, this cold Earthly human, this indifferent cardinal, this apathetic bastard. I had dreamed of this all my life, and he did it on the next day after you two had met ... You looked like a lustful, dirty cat. You rolled your eyes from passion; you scratched his back, you screamed at the top of your lungs when he was in you ... No, I did not stalk you, you just made love everywhere, exposing yourselves to all. You were not embarrassed by anyone, you loved each other, and the air was filled with your moans and ecstasy.

I knew that he would betray. And he betrayed .. I came to comfort, and you just drove me away. You were so pathetic and heartbroken. But, you managed to make me even more miserable and insignificant. Why? Why do you always need to break me; me, the man who loves you with all my heart ...

During the First Metalia war, I shielded you from the arrow of the Dark Kingdom warrior. I was happy; I had saved the woman I loved, I followed my heart. And it does not matter that you watched my death indifferently, it does not matter that you looked only at Him, it does not matter that you did not even smile at the end of it. It does not matter ...

Dying is so hard...

When we resurrected in Tokyo, we found ourselves on different sides of the barricades. You were on the side of Good; I was on the side of Evil. But, what you could not see was that there was neither good nor evil for me. For me, there are only two sides, with you and without you. The senseless status was no longer between us. I did everything to be with you. I was following you; I was protecting you, I loved you. I managed to get a movie contract in China, lured your there you as an actress, and even prepared a ring. Finally, I was blessed kissing you. It was the most sensual and the most unbelievable kiss in my life. Your tender lips scorched by passion have opened the veil of pure pleasure and devilish delight. Every touch was going through my body aiming directly at my heart; a skillful tongue made my mind explode into a myriad of brightest stars. For the first time in my life I kissed not just a woman, but a woman whom I loved. But, you quickly brought me back from heaven to earth. You did not love me, dammit, you just did not love me! You did not want to be with me. Trust me, after that; my physical death meant nothing .. I died by your hand, sending you eternal curses and predictions of unhappy love. My stupid Venus did you believe in all these prophecies of an abandoned man with a broken heart ...

Dying is so hard...

When I resurrected again, I could not believe I was given another chance. What a fool ... I was a General of the troops of Venus. I was a favorite of the Elders. I was a favorite of women.

But I meant nothing to you.

You were with Him again. After his betrayal, after everything he did to you, you were still with him. God, how much I hated you. Every night I dreamed how I would screw you and then pay you back for everything you did to me. I imagined how I would shower your tender neck with kisses and then cut it with the sharpened edge of the glass... For some reason, I pictured only glass. Fragile, dangerous and deceptive as you. I envisioned how I would touch these thin transparent wrists, how gently I would pierce them with my sharp glass . Blood will beautifully flow all over your fragile white elbows. Your blood ... It should be as blood-red as a signature bow on your hair, as a fire smoldering in your eyes from your jealousy, like your lips swollen from his kisses after making love. I wanted to kill you and then die myself. If not life, then death must unite us.

I didn`t come to this strange, schizophrenic idea immediately. I tried to live like everyone else. I tried to date your maid Ursula. Beautiful, empty and surprisingly irrelevant woman. What else is needed to start a new life .. To my shame, I did not know that you were dating Endymion. When all this unsightly story surfaced with fragmentary rumors and speculations, I could not believe it for a long time. Being worthy of you was not enough to be with you. One needed to be a ruler of the universe to make you give yourself ... Life is devilishly unfair. Then it came to me: I must kill you!

I knew that you were pregnant. People said that the child was from the deceased king, but they were not sure. But it did not matter. At night, I made my way to your chambers. It was easy; I'm the chief "guard." Kunzite was still working. The full moon brightly lit up your face. You were beautiful. I simply have no words to describe the trembling piety that gripped me when I looked at your unforgettable traits. So much grace and rest came from you, the future mother and the loving wife. You breathed a fully and smiled slightly in a dream. Hair, a golden cascade fell on your snow-white shoulders, and eyelashes trembled from a heavy sleep. I stood, amazed at your greatness and my insignificance. Who was I to deprive this world of You .. Even death will not give me a rest, if I make this perfect face distort with pain .. I could not see enough of you, scooping life itself from the contemplation of you, before I heard Kunzite approaching.

Dying is so hard...

My love, you know that the glass easily tore my veins and released a dam of blood, as red as your famous bow and as your lips worn from kisses. You know that your perfect face is still standing in front of my eyes, which are starting to fade before the last path. My love, you do not even know why I decided to take this crazy step into emptiness. You do not even know that I loved you so insanely much that I burned my whole soul, that the feeling was so immensely huge that it crushed my heart and blood. Not everyone can experience such a strong feeling. This is a gift, it's a damned gift, but it's a gift. I carried this Love with dignity until I ran out of strength. I loved, I love and will always love you, but, my love, do you know that living without you is so unbearable, but also,

.. Dying without you is so hard...

A couple of hours later, worried Ursula knocked out the door to the bathroom, and could not hold back the scream of horror and despair. Adonis lay in a bath filled with scarlet blood. Blond curls painted red, face covered with a deathly paleness, his features turned sharp. It was terrifying and beautiful at the same time as if a scene from the noir movie. Ursula, numb with grief, fell to her knees, whispering like a spell: "Do not die, please do not die ..."


End file.
